InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Give me some tough love!!"

Albus Dumbledore is a knight in shining beard (find_dumbledore) wrote,
@ 2010-01-26 00:56:00

25 January, 1980
Ward: Order of the Phoenix (excluding Marlene McKinnon)

If only it were a matter that could wait long enough to hold a meeting for, I would have done so, but in the press of time, it appears this is best carried out through the journals.

Forgive my vagueness, but the "this" I refer to is as follows:

In light of my conversation with Edgar, it is my understanding that Marlene McKinnon has become - in such a concise word - a danger to the Order. It is unfortunate that we once more arrive at such a place where we must discuss the right to membership of one of our own, but I believe Marlene can be in no better hands than those of the ones who have befriended her and fought alongside her. In making your decisions, I ask that you not disregard personal ties to Marlene, but that you bear them in mind and cast your vote based on what serves the well-being of both the Order and Marlene.

However, before we proceed, a summary of how this came about should be heeded. Sirius and Edgar, I must ask of you this favour. Should anyone else have anything to add, now is very much the time to do so.

End Ward

(Post a new comment)

Order

blacklightning
2010-01-26 10:53 am UTC (link)

I've been friends with Marlene a long time - since we were Sorted, pretty much. I count her as a close friend, and I don't want to see anything at all bad happen to her.

That said, a whole lot of bad things have already happened to Marlene, and she's not dealing well with them at all. I've been watching her get worse and worse since the attack on King's Cross. She's been increasingly emotionally unstable, drinking more and going out less, and pretty determinedly cutting off everybody she's been close to. Finally, at the ~~MacFustys'~~ ~~MacFusties'~~ ~~MacFustys's~~ MacFusty wedding, she ended up drunk to the point that I wasn't comfortable leaving her alone at her flat, and yesterday morning I pressed her on just how not like herself she's been acting.

At first, she tried to just shut me down. I told her if she didn't talk to me, I'd talk to Bones and to her father. At that point she pretty well had an emotional breakdown. She was extremely upset, and she finally let me know that she's been having a very hard time dealing with having been under the Imperius, she's dealing with a lot of guilt regarding Meredith Watkins and the whole Barty Crouch business, she's very upset about having to lie to most of the people whom she's close to, and that she feels like she's got dark thoughts filling up her head all the time and they only go away when she drinks. This was bad enough that she was crying until she basically pushed herself into a hyperventilating panic attack and I had to talk her into breathing again.

Speaking as Marlene's friend, right now I feel like she needs help more than she's really in a position to be able to give help to anyone else. I love her, but in her current state, she's not who I'd want watching my back.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	Order mugglemethis 2010-01-26 11:04 am UTC (link)
	Kings Cross was in September, correct? Shortly before I became a member. I understand guilt, and I understand the pressure. I hate to see her so scarred later on from all of this, especially if the pressure is such that she can't quite process it. I think it's fairer to her if we let her go. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Order pronouncedkeeva 2010-01-26 11:09 am UTC (link)
	Liability. Sack her. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Order docisarock 2010-01-26 03:13 pm UTC (link)
	Given this, I can't see a reason to keep her around. Not if those closest to her can no longer vouch for trusting her. (Reply to this) (Parent)

Order

bangupjob
2010-01-26 10:58 am UTC (link)

Fuck me. That's bad.

I know that at nineteen, I was a big ball of nerves, and everything seemed worse than it probably was.

But most of the stuff she's dealing with is shite to be upset about, and because she's 19, I say: let her be a nineteen year old. Without all the pressure of the Order. Training's not fun, and I've had a few friends go through Auror training and that's stressful enough without adding this into the mix. Hate to cut her off, but I think it's best for her. ~~Not to mention, I don't want some fucking kid who's supposed to be watching my back freaking out on me. I get that enough at fucking work.~~

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	Order madangus 2010-01-26 11:03 am UTC (link)
	I've seen strong men go 'round the bend from the pressure war put on them. If she can't hold up anymore, she can't hold up - but if she breaks at the wrong time we're all in for trouble, and we've got enough of that as it is. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Morgan/Angus bangupjob 2010-01-26 11:06 am UTC (link)
	Fucking sad is what it is. Not trying to play that "I'm older than you" card or anything, but she's so young. Not all of us have the... fortitude for secrets and blood. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Morgan/Angus

madangus
2010-01-26 11:19 am UTC (link)

I have a hard time really making the numbers mean anything anymore. 19, 35, 50 - they're all young, to me. I'm left to judge people on how they behave, and based on what her friend's talking up there...she's a young one, regardless of her years. Better for her if she can step out of the secrets and grow up with her Auror training, where they've got the resources to be able to help her. Things like this Order of the Phoenix...they make men, or they break them, and it seems she's breaking.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Morgan/Angus bangupjob 2010-01-26 11:22 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, I thought about that age thing after I wrote it. Knew you wouldn't let me down in bringing it up! They've got the resources, and she won't have to keep things secret. I think it's the secret thing that's killing her myself. Fucking hell, that's two in one year. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Morgan/Angus madangus 2010-01-26 11:42 am UTC (link)
	Things have been getting steadily worse. Attack after attack, one right after the other - it's no surprise people are falling apart faster. And secrets are hard on people, especially when they've got to keep things secret from the people they love. But if it's wearing her down so terribly, that's too much chance that she's not going to be able to hold on to it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Morgan/Angus bangupjob 2010-01-26 11:48 am UTC (link)
	Which is fucking dangerous for the rest of us. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Morgan/Angus madangus 2010-01-26 11:52 am UTC (link)
	Aye, and by extension dangerous for all the good we can do and for everyone around us. A thing like this only works when you can trust every single one implicitly. Any wee crack and the whole thing splinters. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Order withacause 2010-01-26 11:01 am UTC (link)
	Wasn't she Imperiused in September Several months of this? Think that's long enough. Sorry to say. Like Diggle, I'd suggest someone watch out for her for a while. She doesn't have quite the same target on her back that Diggle had, but it's the least we can do. I'll gladly take a few shifts. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Order zoomzoomzoom 2010-01-26 11:05 am UTC (link)
	I'll volunteer for helping with that. In disguise it shouldn't be any problem. I hate to see Marlene go. When she's good, she's really, really good. But if it's wearing on her that badly, letting her out of this is the best thing for her. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Order withacause 2010-01-26 11:16 am UTC (link)
	Gladly go on patrol with you, Gideon Prewett. Shall we take the first shift of it? (Reply to this) (Parent)

Order

likesgoats
2010-01-26 11:45 am UTC (link)

From what Sirius has said, I don't think we have a choice. I think we must remove her from the Order not just for our safety but for hers as well. Having one less responsibility on her shoulders right now could only benefit her.

I do think we should keep an eye on her for two reasons. Firstly, to ensure she stays safe. We owe her that much at least. Secondly, if she's able to come through this, we may be able to bring her back in. Something like this will either break her entirely or she'll come out of it stronger. If she manages the latter, she'll be an asset for the Order once again.

(Reply to this)

Order

lykanthropos
2010-01-26 03:01 pm UTC (link)

Having seen where Marlene is, and knowing where she could be headed - if she continues to breakdown, which seems a real possibility - I don't think it's safe for her or for any of us if she remains in the Order.

I'll echo Aberforth's suggestion: we could keep watch on her. If she turns things around and if she can prove her own, it might not have to be a permanent removal.

As of the moment, though, she isn't well. In good conscience, I couldn't defend her right to be a member if I know it could hurt her and hurt all of us. Removal seems the safest option.

(Reply to this)

	Order everydayhero 2010-01-26 03:59 pm UTC (link)
	I hate this as much as everyone else, but I think we have to let her go. Give her a chance to pull things together. ~~And dear Merlin, don't let her end up like Diggle~~ Add me in there for bodyguard shifts, if it comes to that. (Reply to this)

Order

franks
2010-01-26 05:32 pm UTC (link)

~~Well, fuck.~~

Speaking from an Auror's perspective, I don't know how she's made it this long before cracking doing both the Order and training. I didn't join up until after I had finished all of that, but training is a hell of a responsibility and not what one would call easy. But, when it comes down to it, we've got resources to get her straight again and her mind a bit better. She can get counseling to try and get over the Imperius issues and figure things out at the Ministry, even if we don't have time for that now. And she's got her dad to fall back on, who I'm sure would be supportive and all that.

So, yeah. I'm going to have to agree with Aberforth on this one. Let her go, see if she can recover and get her head back on her shoulders, and then we'll see about letting her back in.

(Reply to this)

	Order warrioress 2010-01-26 05:53 pm UTC (link)
	~~Bloody fu~~ Let her go. She needs the break. (Reply to this)

	hitsyouhard 2010-01-26 11:16 pm UTC (link)
	I saw the comments. Think it's best for McKinnon to get her head on straight. We can reevaluate at a later time if she shows improvement on the field. (Reply to this)

	goodoldbones 2010-01-26 11:36 pm UTC (link)
	Sirius covered everything and, as I said, I don't think she's in a place to be of any use to the Order. She needs less on her plate and an opportunity to recover. (Reply to this)

	nickatnight 2010-01-27 03:14 am UTC (link)
	She's so very young. If it were any other situation, I would be inclined to give her a second chance, but... these are people's lives on the line. There aren't second chances in that. (Reply to this)

ungildedlily
2010-01-27 05:21 am UTC (link)

As one of Marlene's best friends, I feel like if anyone would be standing up to defend her right to stay here, it'd be me. Part of me really, really wants to, but as a best mate I look and see not only the danger she might put us in, but more than anything herself. She's drinking on nights she has training the next morning, she's drinking to the point that her judgment ~~nearly got her ra~~ was hindered to the point of putting herself in the position where she was forced to defend herself before, not to mention the fact that she'll me a wreck in any sort of high-stress situation if this is how she's dealing with the fallout.

I never thought she'd be the one breaking, but at the same time with training, I can see how it'd be too much for someone to handle. I love her, and I want to protect her, and right now that means that she needs help, because not only has she right out been overwhelmed to the point of ignoring Order wards and avoiding friends and family, if she's in such a weak state of mind, it'd be too easy for someone to... break her more. If it happened.

I'd have to say she needs to leave the Order for now.
I know she can get help and therapy with the Auror program - although I have to ask... this all started with the Imperius incident. Maybe that's a sign of whether or not being an Auror is too much for her, but if we're obliviating her... Are we sure we can't, I don't know... spare her, from that memory?

I just... I want my friend back.

(Reply to this)

Order

dear_alice
2010-01-27 11:02 pm UTC (link)

I'm going to have to chime in and agree with everyone else here. If she's losing it as much as Sirius says she is, then she at least needs a break from things. She's a kid, and an Auror trainee, too. I don't think I'd trust her to have my back ~~or Frank's~~.

I do agree with Lily that if that Imperius thing is causing a lot of this damage, would it be possible to remove that memory?

(Reply to this)